Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
