So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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