Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
