Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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