omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
