I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
