on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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