thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
