where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
