They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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