Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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