I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
