I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im part way to drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
