I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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