I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
