Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
