nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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