So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
