dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You took a bar mat shot.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
