that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
