I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
