Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
