Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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