Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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