I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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