cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
