I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
