Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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