he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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