my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So much rum. So many feels.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
