I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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