Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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