He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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