i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
