About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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