Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
