im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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