I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
