At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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