Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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