you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
