I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
