I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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