you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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