You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
