yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
