he puts the penis in happiness.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The Olympian is in my bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
