he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
