I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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