Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
