to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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