So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
