When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You did what with his pubic hair?
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