I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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