My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
