I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
