i dont even know how to be here
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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