Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
