Whod you bang
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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