i permit you to call me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
