I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
