Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
