i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
