the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
