dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize