I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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