His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
