you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
