I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize