you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
