i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
