Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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