is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
