My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
