I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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