My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
