honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
