I feel great
I just peed on a car
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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