dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
