the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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