dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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