You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i barfeds in our rink
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
