You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
