Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
