You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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