Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
