I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
