wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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