I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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