You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish my penis had an off switch
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
