based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
